The perfect name for..

Pootling along the freeway, trying to reassure the car that yes I will get her an oil change and a service soon, pat pat, and I know I’m 15000 miles overdue, I’m sorry, and I know she’s feeling a bit tired and achy, and I’m very sorry , but this week, this week – I promise. Psychic hug, stroke the dashboard.

Mercifully I get distracted by a big lorry in the distance, its name printed across the back doors, red and blue letters on shiny, shiny polished aluminium siding: Deep And.

Deep and what? Deep and lovely?  Deep and squalid?  Deep and dangerous? Deep and dragons?  Deep and Darth Vader, a love story?

We start going up a hill. I give the car’s steering a wheel a scratch behind the indicators and urge her to go just that little bit faster.  She is a curious and bold little thing and gamely accelerates so we can catch up to the lorry.

The full name is Deep And Express.

Martha and I (yes the car is named Martha, and yes it is because of Martha Stewart, and no I do not have a Martha Stewart obsession, the car chose the name, not I) enjoy a chortle over this.  Deep And Express sounds like a porn courier service. “Good evening, I have an order of Throbbin Hood, Cliff Banger, and some lightly mentholated lube.  Sign here please.  No, it doesn’t need to be your real name.”

We descend the hill, Martha picks up momentum and I engage in the awful habit I picked up in Tasmania whenever the petrol gage is too near the E for comfort, of putting the car into neutral for a spot of coasting.  Petrol stations – not as abundant as you might think in Tazzy.

We begin to draw level with the lorry and I can see that the name is also written on the side, only it’s slightly different, Deepland Express.  The lorry is so shiny that Martha and I simply couldn’t see the big vertical bar on the back blocking our view of the L.

Sigh, the Deepland Express is not nearly so entertaining.  I think they should consider a name and indeed business change.  In a world where a major supermarket chain deemed it viable to sell Asparagus Water (don’t try and hide underneath your seats Wholefoods, it is you, again … 3 sticks of asparagus in a bottle of water for $6! ), there’s probably room for a speedy porn courier service.



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